Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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