Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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