hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize