I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
