his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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