so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
