True but thats because hes a fetus.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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