Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
