I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
