wanna go halves on a baby?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
