Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
