He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
