Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
