Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
