I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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