just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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