I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
