doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
