Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
