hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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