just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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