apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
