I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Even my vagina gasped.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
