Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I think your dad took our porno
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
