Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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