I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
