I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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