can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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