i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
