That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
