R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
