her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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