I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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