My girlfriend figured out who you are.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
