So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
