Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
