I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
