Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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