I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
