yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
