her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
