low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
