you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize