So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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