Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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