I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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