So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
