Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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