am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
