Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
