So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
