I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
