Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
