Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize