Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
