Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I have feelings that need drinking.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
