I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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