If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just cut my nipple shaving
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
