if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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