I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
They took my balls.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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