im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
