We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
