her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
We're like a lot better than the average bears
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Randomize
