I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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