The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
