I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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