What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Text me some of your sweat
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize