She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
