I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
