Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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