when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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