i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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