I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
