She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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